Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
