So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
