I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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