I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
