My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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