i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
