I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
