did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
