I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Randomize
