where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Best friends brother. Beat that.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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