He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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