it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
