I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
my poor anus
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
