There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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