You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
