Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
