i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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