I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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