She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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