yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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