Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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