Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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