I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
