He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
