my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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