He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I just googled if crying burns calories
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
