WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
My pussy is not your playground.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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