I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
