I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
