Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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