Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
