i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
We just shotgunned beers for America
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
