Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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