we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
