Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
