OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
