I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
