i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Randomize
