Apparently you make a good broom.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
