Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
