I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
