and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Are we still banned from the library?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
