I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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