I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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