i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
