I am puke
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
