you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
