im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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