i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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