shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
