Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
