It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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