Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
