Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
